Who wants to live forever?

If you would, you can download this short film from Pocketmovies. This is the link: "Meeting Agnus" . This "movlet" just makes me think somehow a little bit lonely.

So what is this about? Just relationships my friend, and no more. Somewhere back in time, I used to believe that the measure of a man's life can be mathematically checked by counting the number of people he left as friends minus those he'd encountered as enemies on the time of his death. Somehow, nobody can count for you. We always deserve our personal views and opinions. And nobody can always have a clue on counting which is which and who is who. It's like a balance scale - make more friends and less enemies or else you'll get negative. We'll why be afraid of getting negative? Let's insert the religious Hell scare here and you'll know why I was much afraid of negativity those days. Negativity isn't really a certified word in this. I just made it up from my Math lessons and being a Math teacher myself. Friends come and go, that's how it is with me and anyone else in this world. If I have to count the ones who make me positive, it could be that I might as well be counting friends who were friends but never made an impression to my life after all. Making friends for me is not an easy task, and making friends is not like hey-i-know-you-you-smiled-at-me-you're-a-friend stuff. Friends should leave scars - enough for you to hate them, and turn you closer to negativity.

I was a very friendly person, as how I continually feel of me now. Friendly in the sense that I wanna make impressions into other people's lives even if they don't in my own point of view. I could say I still cling on to what I believed a long time since. They make positives of me and I don't have anything in return. Or maybe I just don't know, subscribing to the thought that I am no telepath and I never will know. Maybe I should re-assess my declarations and call me "very helpful" instead of "friendly". But is it correct if I say that "you only help somebody if he is a friend to you?" Maybe not. "You only help somebody if he is somebody who will treat you a friend in return." any which way will do.

Friends in the past have made and broken me up. I am a person in pieces and glued together by different people I have made friends with in the past. I had been giving away positives for them this whole history of my life. It had always been my motto to be of service to anyone as prescribed my my limitations. I am very grateful for them friends of mine. Or at least not friends but acquaintances. But I do not always have the time to count backwards and see if I gain more positives than negatives. I do not always have the time to check it out if I still have the chance to regain a lost positive from a negative I acquired from different people. Ah, my friend Yen once, I do recall, she gave me dozens of negatives years ago. Couldn't blame her. I am just a little sad that I would never have the memories to remember if she gave me more positives to compensate the negatives I made to her. Friends will pass if you would want them to.

Somehow, I don't want to finish my number line in a negative point. I wanted to make friends with more people to lessen my earned negatives. Friends that would make impressions in me and friends that would give more room for positiveness. Or maybe I would just end up and trash this positive-negative theology of mine and think of life the other way. Maybe I was really wrong - measuring a man's life that way. Maybe life is not a question of "how did you fare?"; maybe life isn't mathematically definite after all; maybe life doesn't end in negativity always ( if we submit to the idea of a second life, a third, a fourth, and so forth); maybe life is but a race to death; maybe life is but an excuse to God's immortality syndrome; or maybe life is not about making friends but making wars and destruction; maybe life is but the angels' vacation to hell. To succumb to a movie's line of questioning, "what's the meaning to life, the universe, and everything?" I really don't know.

I haven't had much activity this week but the movlet I've downloaded and watched was but spine-tingling. Friends make us up. And to grow old with them is great. But we have limitations. C'mon people, let's finish life up with smile in our face, upon the realization that we had people who stare in us up for the impressions we made in them enough for them to exit this world with the same glimmer from a smiling face.

arzakem posted at 9:59:00 AM Access your PC from anywhere!!!